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Current Music:Since I've Been Loving You-- L.Z.
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Subject:AFFAIRS OF THE HEART AND MIND
Time:10:29 pm
Current Mood:disappointeddisappointed
It's been quite a long time since I've posted. A lot has been going on in my personal life, and those things have not only affected my heart, but my thoughts as well. I had stayed away from posting because there have been a lot of things that I've experienced from those I know closely that have disappointed me with respect to my hopes for Matriarchy and Female empowerment. Yet, that was nothing compared to the betrayal of my heart that I experienced. That combination of things has made it difficult for me to write about those subjects that have been the focus here, but even more deeply, my heart has become a bit weary, even while my spirit perseveres.

There were so many things that I was working on for this journal: an exploration of game theory and how it pertains to empowering Women, the mathematics of chance and distribution as a catalyst for change, statistics about Female achievement, and plenty more. My heart is somewhere else now, though.

Even before love stole my joy, I was already becoming disappointed at the behavior I've seen from those sisters in my life. I watched them sell their power for the price of uncaring partners. I watched them wallow in complacency and get strung out on materialism. I began to wonder if all that I had written about was just wishful thinking, a fantasy. I still don't know. I still see more gifts and power in the Women I know than in ten times as many men. But what of it? They either don't believe in their worth, don't want to lead, or flat out don't care and would rather lay around and wait for someone to come along and carry them.

My heart's not in it here, right now. It was taken from me a week ago along with my trust. I was born to fight, so I'll spirit on, and I will persevere. So many good things, blessings, are coming to me in my career that it's almost ironic. I fight because that's who I am. I overcome because that is my destiny. I'll find my heart in Matriarchy again because I just believe, in spite of complacency and indifference among us, that it is inevitable, divine and ordained.

I'll post again, stronger and bolder. I just need a little more time... but I'll be back.
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[icon] AFFAIRS OF THE HEART AND MIND - Matrifascist
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